Interview | Vidya Balan: There should be equality in marriage

Vidya Balan and Siddharth Roy Kapur have been married for over five years now. Though they are as different as chalk and cheese, they make for a great power couple. In a tête-à-tête with After Hrs, the actress doles out relationship advice and emphasises why it’s necessary for both partners to share their responsibilities in order to make their marriage work.

There has always been a huge disparity in the Indian society about the man-woman equation in a relationship. What’s your take on that?

At the end of the day, a marriage or any relationship is a partnership, so there has to be equality. Men aren’t accustomed to this idea, which is why women have to lure them into doing at least some of the work before expecting them to do 50 per cent (smiles). See, both partners step out of the house to earn their livelihood but it’s highly unfair that after a long, hard day, the woman has to come back and do household chores. Even if she has help at home, she still has to monitor, supervise and keep a check on everything. So, men should contribute equally.

But the stereotype that a man will go to work while the woman raises the kids at home, still remains the same...

Yes, that’s because of the deep conditioning that the mother is more crucial to a child’s upbringing than a father. But that’s not true. I’m not a psychologist, this is just my opinion. As the mother has borne the baby, she’s instinctively doing that much more. Even if she has had a smooth pregnancy, once she delivers the baby, she wants to spend time with the little one. However, she also needs to get her energy back. No one ever talks about that. We forget that the woman too needs a lot of care.

How do you and Siddharth manage things at home?

Thankfully, at home, I’ve people to take care of things. But there are a few things that both of us take care of individually because that’s our comfort zone. The demarcation is clear. For instance, I’m finicky about cleanliness. If the house work isn’t done for a day, I won’t be able to bear it. I’ll get down and do it myself. There, Siddharth doesn’t take stress, instead he asks me to let it be for a day. So, we’ve fallen into a pattern where he does what he has to and I do what I do best.

Do you cook?

Uhh? No! (Laughs)

Has he ever cooked anything for you?

Yes, he has. When we had just started seeing each other, he had cooked scrambled eggs for me. I wanted to tell him that I’m a vegetarian but at that time, you’re obviously trying to impress the other person. So I tasted it and said yum! But actually, I can’t have eggs (laughs).

It’s also said that few years into the marriage, the relationship loses its steam…

That’s because both the parties take each other for granted. You are always seeing each other and know that you can reach out to your partner anytime. When people would say that marriages need constant work, I always wondered what it meant. Now I know that it means not to take each other for granted.

Have you also done the same?

You tend to do it. I can’t think of specific instances but yes, there are times when you end up taking each other for granted unwittingly.

Do you and Siddharth fight often? Who makes up first?

It’s never one way! As I’m the talker, I can’t stay quiet for too long. We have all kinds of arguments and differences of opinions. Siddharth is a man of few words, so I’ve to literally get him to say something. Otherwise, he’s calm and zen-like.

What do you argue about?

Politics and political ideologies! We don’t really fight about films. There are some movies that he likes and I don’t and vice versa, but they don’t lead to fights. We usually have a disagreement when one feels bad about something that the other has done.

Many actresses in the ’60s and ’70s have worked post marriage. Why is this whole ‘married actresses getting work’ a statement now?

In the ’80s and the ’90s, married actresses had stopped acting. Until then, it was different. Sharmila Tagore continued to peak post marriage. Moushumi Chatterjee became an actress after she tied the knot. But in the ’80s and ’90s, the heroine was seen as a girl, than a woman. So it wasn’t okay if she wasn’t single. Therefore, too many such actresses weren’t working at the time, which is why it is becoming such a statement now. But today, there are more examples of women not stopping working after tying the knot or even after childbirth. That’s a change that’s generally happening around us but it also means that there’s much pressure on a woman now. It’s tough to get back to work after childbirth but women are doing it.