DNA CELEBRITY COLUMN | Shirishly Speaking - Shirish Kunder is the agony uncle you never saw coming

‘Skirt’ the issue

Dear Shirish,
A senior minister recently said that transgenders must not wear a sari as they are neither men nor women. He said, they must only wear pants and shirt. A censor board official humiliated a female producer for wearing a pair of pants and a shirt, and also cast aspersions if she is even a woman for wearing such clothes. Why do these regressive people only target the weaker sex and tell us what we must or must not wear? If a man ever wears a skirt, would they ever dare to tell him not to wear it?
—Swati

Dear Swati,
Why are you after Ranveer Singh? What has he ever done to you? Please leave his skirt alone.

Tera Beta Porn Watcher Hai

Dear Shirish,
Why are liberals fighting for ‘Right to Privacy’? What are they trying to hide? I know these kinds of people very well. My son fights for privacy when he wants to watch porn. Whereas I don’t care about giving away my privacy to the government because I’ve nothing to hide. Are you ready for a debate? Do you have any answer? Or will you block me here too?
—Anonymous

Dear Vivek,
Why have you signed off as ‘anonymous’, and not your real name ‘Vivek’, when you’ve nothing to hide? I got your name from your email ID, from which I found your Facebook account, from which I got your photo, address, and phone number. If I put all that here, everyone will know, which Vivek’s son watches porn. You still don’t care about ‘Right to Privacy’?

Jab Harry Met Sejal

Dear Shirish,
My girlfriend has been constantly accusing me of being a ‘selfies person’ and fighting with me. But the fact of the matter is that I have never taken a single selfie in my life. In fact, I hate selfies. And she still keeps calling me a ‘selfies person’. I think she’s hallucinating and has a mental disorder. Should I take her to a psychiatrist? But that would be very expensive. Or should I just dump her? That would be easier.
—Harry

Dear Harry,
I guess she’s a Gujju. And she means you’re a ‘selfish person’.

Dhinchak Pooja of Twitter

Dear Shirish,
I’m a social worker and run an NGO. I use Twitter for spreading awareness about our social causes. But although I’ve been on Twitter for the last five years, I barely have a few thousand followers. Whereas there is this creep on Twitter, who calls himself a film critic and has millions of followers. Although, all he does is pass cheap remarks on women and abuse Bollywood celebrities. Why do so many people follow that creep but not positive people like me?
—Saina

Dear Saina,
Not sure who’s this creep you’re referring to. But these days, freaks are in! He must be the Dhinchak Pooja of Twitter.