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| Edited By: Shirish Kunder |Source: DNA |Updated: Aug 19, 2017, 06:20 AM IST
Baap bada na maiya, Sabse bada rupaiya!
Dear Shirish,
For a long time, I have been trying to convince my father that the government is going to implement ‘Inheritance Tax’, and so in order to save that, he must transfer all his properties to my name, before his death. With great difficulty, he had finally agreed last week. But this week, after reading the news about how one of the country’s richest men, Vijaypat Singhania, has been reduced to a hand-to-mouth life by his own son, my father developed cold feet and backed out of it. It is impossible to convince the stubborn, old man again. What should I do?
— Depressed Beta
Dear Depressed Beta,
Try and convince Gautam Singhania to be kind to his father.
How to become a celebrity?
Dear Shirish,
I see a lot of pictures of so-called celebrities in newspapers, but I have no idea who they are, what they do, or if they even do anything other than attending parties. Then how come they are qualified to be called “celebrities”? Why are these unknown people “celebrated”? If they can become celebrities, even I want to become a celebrity. How do I become one?
— Dolly
Dear Dolly,
Just try to be famous. A celebrity is someone, who’s well-known for wanting to be famous.
How to predict the box office fate of a film?
Dear Shirish,
I started my career as a film critic a few months back, on my own YouTube channel. My first few reviews were bang on. With a 100 per cent success ratio, my channel earned a lot of views, likes, and subscribers. But thereafter, everything went downhill. All my recent reviews have missed the mark. The films I predicted will be big hits, went on to become big flops. And the ones I predicted will be disasters, went on to become blockbusters. I have lost all credibility and got a lot of flak from my fans. My success ratio is now less than 25 per cent. Although no one questions my technical analysis of those films, every Tom, Dick, and Harry has an opinion on my box office analysis. This is the area I need to get right. How do I judge the box-office fate of films correctly?
— Film Critic
Dear Film Critic,
Abuse all films. More than 90 per cent of films flop. So you will be correct at least 90 per cent of the times.
How to become the best salesman ever?
Dear Shirish,
I just started a career in sales, but so far I have not been very good at it. How do I become a better salesman? Is there any book that will help me become the best salesman ever?
— Salesman
Dear Salesman,
Read the biography of the first person, who ate an egg and convinced others to eat the white shit that comes out of the hen’s a**. He must be the best salesman ever.
