CELEBRITY COLUMN | Shirishly Speaking: The agony uncle you never saw coming..

China mukt Bharat

Dear Shirish,
I love buying Chinese products as they are cheap and good value for money. But recently, I have been getting a lot of WhatsApp messages saying that we should stop buying Chinese goods as we are at war with China. The messages say that if we stop buying Chinese goods, China will panic, and back off from our borders. I love my country and am willing to do anything for it, but I am unable to understand how my not buying Chinese products of private companies will make China panic. I stopped watching films of Pakistani actors, but Pakistan hasn’t panicked yet. Can you please explain the logic behind this? 
—Ekta

Dear Ekta,

Please don’t stress about China; we are not at war with them. But even if a war actually breaks out, you don’t have to worry about it at all. We are lucky to have so many fringe senas, who will be more than happy to serve the country by going to the border and fight with an actual enemy for a change, instead of beating up their own countrymen.

Beta Bachao, Beti LMAO

Dear Shirish,
I have been following the recent Chandigarh stalking case, and the reactions of certain influential people have left me baffled. While the presence of mind and courage exemplified by the victim in getting out of such a dangerous situation has left me impressed, the character assassination and shaming of the victim by some influential people (surprisingly, includes women) has left me bothered. Instead of asking for action against the VVIP stalker, they are trying to protect him by asking questions like “What was the girl doing out of the house so late in the night”? Is this ‘Beti Bachao, Beti Padhao’?
—Beti

Dear Beti,

No. This is ‘Beta Bachao, Beti LMAO’.

Mughalsafai

Dear Shirish,
I recently came across the news that Mughal history will be disappearing from school textbooks. Considering that Mughals ruled over a large portion of India, produced remarkable rulers, and left behind great architectural structures as well as a significant amount of literature, is it justified to leave them out of our history? Our children won’t know who built the Taj Mahal — one of the seven wonders of the world. They would also not know the history of the Qutub Minar or the Red Fort. By teaching selective history, what are we trying to teach our kids? What will they learn?
—Gita

Dear Gita,

We are trying to teach them to live in the present and enjoy life. They will learn that no matter how hard they work in order to accomplish something and create history, one day, some vain person can invalidate all their achievements with one narrow-minded decision.

How to gain confidence?

Dear Shirish,
I’m a very under-confident person. Can you please suggest some self-help book that will help me gain confidence?
—Dilip

Dear Dilip,

Read the biography of the person who created ‘Z-category security’. Imagine the confidence of the guy who named it after the ultimate letter, assuming there can be no further upgrades.