CELEBRITY COLUMN | Shirishly Speaking - Shirish is the agony uncle you never saw coming

Vegetarian B-Town

Dear Shirish,
Why are so many Bollywood stars turning vegetarian? Is it for health reasons? Or to make news and show off?
—Bollywood Buff

Dear Bollywood Buff,
There’s less crowd there, and so easier to get the Sexiest Vegetarian Award.

Filmi fundas
Dear Shirish,
In a recent awards function, it was sad to see a bunch of privileged Bollywood biggies not only target an outsider who has achieved so much on her own merit, but also shamelessly chant: “Nepotism rocks!” I know how difficult it is for outsiders to break into Bollywood, as I myself struggled my entire life and never even got an opportunity to prove my talent. And now my daughter is pursuing the same dream of trying to break into Bollywood as an actor. Being an outsider, she always lost to influential insiders from Bollywood. Now that she has finally got a decent part in a big project, the privileged leading actors have ganged up on her and made her life miserable by cutting her dialogues and role. My daughter comes crying from the shoot every day. I can’t see her like this. Considering that Bollywood is ruled by shameless nepotism, is there any point in her continuing, or should she give up?
—An Outsider

Dear Outsider,
If biggies are ganging up on your daughter, then congratulations, they are threatened by her talent. Which means, she has a great future as long as she doesn’t give up. You should worry only if they love her. That means, they don’t consider her as competition.

Wedding woes
Dear Shirish,
I’m gay. My parents have come to know about it and are now forcing me to marry. I’ve always fantasised same-sex marriage, but unfortunately, it is illegal in our country. So now I have no choice but to marry a woman. It’s so sad. I know you won’t have any solution to this, but can you at least advise something that will help me get through this ordeal?
—Gay

Dear Gay,
Yes, it’s very sad. Especially, for the woman, you’re going to marry. But if it’s any consolation, eventually, all marriages become same sex marriages.

Skill ka sawaal
Dear Shirish,
I’m a lazy bum and do not like to learn or work much. Can you please suggest me one skill that will help me get through life?
—Lazy Bum

Dear Lazy Bum,
If you can sell bullshit, you won’t need any other skill in life.