Dear Reader,

Mumbai needs a pied piper. Its youth is in a crisis. Recently, the findings of a study conducted by the psychiatry department at the KEM hospital in Mumbai were reported. Interviewing nearly 100 youngsters booked in the Juhu rave party case almost a year ago, the study concluded that the youngsters think smoking marijuana is safe and there is no real harm in doing drugs.

I don't know whether smoking weed causes psychosis or not, but I know for sure that busting a rave and arresting youngsters and then subjecting them to psychological surveys that support a certain political agenda is a dangerous practice that needs be questioned and mocked.

For anyone vaguely familiar with popular drug culture, the busting of a rave party by the police has become such a common and oft repeated joke that it's no longer funny.

It's a joke because there is nothing that a rave bust does to credibly curb either the trade in narcotics or bring down the rapid adoption of a drug lifestyle by a section of the younger people.

Everyday more and more young people are buying weed across the city. More and more youngsters are popping the pills and hoping to create a music album while tripping on LSD. They watch films that don't exactly highlight the side effects of doing drugs unless it's 'Requiem for a Dream' which in my opinion is more about America than about drugs.

Shops openly sell T-shirts that promote marijuana usage and it's not difficult to imagine someone somewhere trying very hard to roll their first joint.

The joke's no longer funny because the police's modus operandi has become extremely repetitive even by police standards.

Since the narcotics control bureau's Delhi office busted a rave party in 2003 at a farmhouse on the outskirts of the capital, the algorithm for a successful bust was repeated by the Pune police in 2006 and respectfully adhered to by the Mumbai Police last year when they busted a rave at a nightclub in Juhu.

One more rave bust anywhere in the country and the following will become part of the police-training manual.

Rave bust algorithm

Step one: Find out where the next rave is happening. If your regular intelligence network fails, ask your colleague's son or daughter and they will find out for you through Facebook.

Step two: Land up at the rave right when the party is peaking and announce your presence.

Step three: Realise that the music is too loud for anyone to pay attention. (This is the most important step. You skip it and the IB will think the cops are regular at rave parties)

Step four: Head for the DJ's console. Let the gentleman to be the boss for two minutes. Allow him to say "Uncle you are at the wrong place". This will set the tone for step five.

Step five: Give the DJ two tight slaps and watch him cry like a paranoid baby. Shut down the music and arrest everyone present.

Step six: Hold a press conference the next day announcing that a handful of peddlers and nearly two hundred drug users were arrested. Make special mention of the fact that most of youngsters caught had rich parents.

Step seven: Go home and let the idiot box do the talking. Enjoy! This is your moment. If you don't get your kicks, hang on for six months to a year and repeat the cycle from step number one.

Game for some good press

Compared to the police's style of committing criminal encounters, busting a rave party is by far a boring business. But like most boring things it has its benefits. The media can raise questions about an encounter. It can allege, without any proof whatsoever, that the police had picked up the dead criminals a few days earlier and bumped them off later.

But no one in their right mind, for obvious reasons, can claim that the police covertly organised the rave party and then raided it to earn medals and promotions.

So, while a risky proposition like an encounter can lead to suspension (if proved fake) or medals and out-of-turn promotions (if they are genuine) a boring idea like busting a rave doesn't have such dramatic endings. A rave bust usually leads to positive publicity for the cops who did it and a serious envy among their peers who thought the idea was too boring.

It also gives the general public --- a group scientifically proven to have a short short-term memory --- an idea that something really serious is being done about the entire business of drugs trafficking.

Questions no one is asking

Following the rave party bust in Mumbai certain startling facts came to light. The police claimed that youngsters arrested and duly tested for drug consumption were doing new substances like LSD and ecstasy besides the usual suspects like charas and ganja.

Now, either the Mumbai Police officials are way too dumb or they were born yesterday because none of these substances are new in any way.