G Sampath

Donkeys have reacted with anger and outrage at being compared to certain members of the Indian cricket team, who allegedly possess asinine qualities. They were reacting to English commentator Nasser Hussain's comment on air that a couple of Indian fielders were moving like donkeys.

A group of fifty donkeys clad in cricketing whites marched to the BCCI office in Mumbai and threatened to kick the BCCI office bearers and eat all their money if they did not ask Nasser Hussain to apologise to the donkey community.

Braying loudly, the donkeys held up placards that said, "No donkeys in Team India. Donkeys have balls", "Donkeys know how to kick butt", and "Donkeys are quicker, smarter and fitter than Indian team".

Ravisanny, spokesperson of the Society for the Prevention of Honest Commentary (SPHC), admitted, in a freak display of honesty, that Hussain's comment was unfair to donkeys. But he went on to allege that Hussain must have taken money from monkeys to make derogatory comments about donkeys.

K Sri Sri Cant Cant, head-cum-body-cum-tail of the BCCI selection committee, denied that he had selected any donkeys for India's tour of England. "It is true that the Indian cricket board gives employment to donkeys, but we normally don't allow donkeys to play as part of the Indian team. As per BCCI policy, donkeys can only be office bearers, never players," he said.

A BCCI spokesperson, who refused to reveal his species affiliation, admitted that a couple of players who were human when selected to play may have turned into donkeys in transit.

Meanwhile, the controversy over Hussain's comment took a new turn today with former English skipper Michael Vaughan stating that he spotted not two, but at least four to five donkeys in the Indian team. "Their donkeys helped the English batsmen score more freely," he told the media.

Also, in view of the one-sided series between the two human sides, English and Indian donkeys are planning a parallel four-match Test series, which they claim would produce a more even contest. Several players from the present Indian team are tipped to play for the official Indian Donkeys XI. K Sri Sri Cant Cant, while confirming this development, denied that he will push for selection of untalented donkeys from his home state, Tamil Nadu. "That is a baseless allegation. Every donkey from Tamil Nadu will be given priority, not just the talented ones," he said.

When contacted, the president of the BCCI, Mr Unshared Power, denied. When asked what it is that he was denying, he refused to elaborate. "I deny, therefore I am," he quipped, before banging the phone down.