G Sampath

No, sir, no, sir, just sabotaging the Lokpal Bill, as wished by my political masters.

Is it any surprise that a certain godman has now turned the campaign for an effective Lokpal Bill into a Wild Sheep Chase that even Haruki Murakami could not have dreamt up?

Friends blame me for being a pessimist, but I will publicly eat my keyboard and upload a video of it on YouTube if this UPA government allows a non-joke version of the Lokpal Bill to come through.

The Congress is like a 900-year-old vampire, super-strong, wily, adept at every time-tested political trick, including the art of splitting the opposition by creating alternative power centres. And while the civil society camp led by Team Anna are no novices, they are not exactly Van Helsing. At least till now, they have been outthought and outplayed by the Congress foxes.

No political party will tolerate any member speaking out of line on any issue. And it is basic common sense — if you cared at all for your cause — that any differences on an important public issue should be discussed among your allies first, and not aired in public, where it will become fodder for your adversary — which, in this case, is the government and the entire political class.

But instead of discussing them first with his friends (?), Baba Ramdev chose to share with the media his 'differences' on the PM and the CJI being brought under the Lokpal's purview.Almost within minutes of his doing so, in a brilliantly co-ordinated manoeuvre, good old Chidu was off the blocks, saying "There is no unanimity on the issue among civil society members..." and all the TV channels, on cue, were playing up the 'split' among civil society reps. And clever Chidu does not stop there; he wants to discredit and remove from the debate not only the civil society reps but also everyone else BUT the political class.

So he adds, "There is no unanimity on the issue among civil society members or those who have written or spoken on the issue. So we need to consult political parties and the state governments." In other words, not only Team Anna, but even the average citizen or columnist or activist or voter who has written or spoken on the issue doesn't count anymore. Let's settle it among ourselves, guys. Why trouble the people. After all, the Bill concerns us, doesn't it?

Now you know why Indian politicians have always needed a Baba. I had reservations about Ramdev being on the Lokpal bandwagon right from the beginning. But the problem with a mobilization that wants to be seen as a mass movement is that you can't shut the door on anybody and still be a mass movement — though Anna & Co did initially shoo away politicians from this forum. But once you let doubtful elements in, you give them the much needed social capital, which they later deploy to finish you and your cause off, as Ramdev is trying to do now. The Baba Black Sheep is trying to gain some more credibility by going on a fast to recover, err, Black Money. As if. Even a baby that has been following the papers (let's say, a precocious baby) would know that even if you stand on your head (something I'm told the Baba is very good at), Manmohan & Co would do zilch to recover black money.

Already, the Baba is quickly being bestowed recognition and credibility by the political class — with PM Manmohan Singh telling him — even before he has begun his fast — that "We are eager to work with you...I hope you will reverse your decision to go on a hunger strike unto death." Nicely done. By the way, how many days did the UPA take to respond to Anna's fast? Well, Anna and Co and go back to wherever they came from, we'll work with the Baba, thank you.

All this, of course, should have been expected by anyone but the diehard optimist, who anyway deserves to die hard. But what I personally found hilarious were the Baba's erudite comments on constitutional propriety.

Here is a sample: "If the person sitting in the highest chair is criticized, will it be good for society?" WTF! All you idiots out there who think that the people are the sovereign power in a democracy and that the PM is a servant of the people, pl shut the eff up! And all you mediawallas, think of all the harm you did to society every time you criticised Manmohan! And repent!

Here's one more: "The posts of PM and CJI are highly dignified and should not come under the ambit of the Lokpal Bill." Huh? So is it less "dignified" to be an undersecretary or a bus conductor or a municipality sweeper than to be a PM? And what happens to the PM's dingity (I'm sorry, MS Word keeps changing it to dignity) when the incumbent of that post is corrupt? Or looks the other way when his cabinet colleagues take bribes? Or when all the bribes start to be routed through the PM's office? Or when 15 departments are created under the PM and a thousand Rajas were to bloom there? Should we all then get together at a yoga camp in Sehore (say what??) and do mycountryisgettingscrewedasana?

Really, activating the Baba is only the latest such ploy. And this is the beauty of representative democracy — whenever the people want something the ruling elite doesn't, the political regime in power can protect the status quo by following a few simple steps:

1. Abstract the people's leaders from the people.
2. Cut them adrift from the people/cause by variousblandishments.
3. If 2 doesn't or won't work (as in the case of Team Anna), discredit them (the muck-raising videos on the Bhushans were meantto do just that)
4. If 2 and 3 won't work, create an alternative powercentre who will undermine your adversary (Baba Ramdev woke up one morning after a night of uneasy dreams and found himself transformed into a gigantic Baba Black Sheep).

Well, so the show goes on in the world's biggest demockcrassy. As for those of you who still have your hopes pinned on a Lokpal Bill that won't be all bull, don't worry, with the Baba's blessings, what's not possible?