Man survives earthquakes, epidemics, the horrors of disease, and all the agonies of the soul, but for all time, his most tormenting tragedy has been, is, and will be the tragedy of the bedroom,” said Leo Tolstoy several decades ago and it still wanders the wonders of every man’s bedroom.
The most common sexual dysfunction in men is premature ejaculation. In fact, it is more common than common cold. I do not consider it to be a disease because it happens to all men sometime or the other in their life.
When it comes to sex and the male member, the laws of physics don’t always apply. What goes up sometimes comes down all too quickly, or sometimes stays up all too long. Never-ending stamina—and an always-hard penis—may sound great on paper, but in reality, it’s not true at all times and in fact, it can be awkward or frustrating for both partners.
There are two aspects of this dysfunction in men. One of them and the most common is the psychological perspective which is due to inexperience in sexual activity, fear or performance anxiety, abrupt frequency of sexual activity and interpersonal disturbances. The other aspect is physiological perspective which is due to diabetes, mild to moderate inflammation of the prostate, urinary tract infection, hypersensitive glans penis and hyper excitability in orgasmic reflexes.
Most guys can actually only maintain intercourse for an average of about two to five minutes before ejaculating, but for men with early ejaculation, that’s an eternity. The sexually normal male has voluntary control over his ejaculatory reflex. Normal voluntary control does not mean being able to bang away at full speed for hours until his partner comes. No man can do that. Adequate ejaculatory control refers to a reasonable degree of voluntary control which allows a man to continue to thrust while he is at a high level of pleasure and arousal, until he chooses to “let go” and come.
Sometimes he may want an exciting “quickie” and will enjoy reaching his climax in a minute or two. Other times, he may decide to make the pleasure last for five or may be seven minutes or more. Sometimes, men may wish to wait until their partners reach orgasm and other times, they may feel like following their own rhythm, perhaps stimulating their lovers to climax before or after intercourse.
Ejaculating rapidly is not a problem for all men but for their partners too. Some men with premature ejaculation are sensuous skillful lovers who know how to stimulate their partner to orgasm manually or orally.
Many men with early ejaculation lack sexual confidence and they tend to be anxious about their ability to perform.
In our society, men often measure their self worth by the hardness of their erection and by their “staying power”. Men who have poor control, especially if they are unsure of themselves in other ways, may end up with a general sense of inadequacy and failure, and may develop additional sexual difficulties.
Early ejaculation is not good for romantic relationships, not because women reject them, but because they develop self-destructive patterns of sexual avoidance and lead a bitter and frustrated life. Many women who complain bitterly about their husband’s premature ejaculation are really less upset by his rapid climax than by the “wham-bam-thank you, ma’am “syndrome.
But one ought to understand that it is highly unlikely that the problem of premature ejaculation will go away by itself.
Some women are calm and supportive while others become upset when a man comes rapidly. Women who take their lover’s rapid ejaculation as a personal rejection or affront, or women who insist that they can be satisfied only with lengthy intercourse, or those who make it clear that they expect their man to hold on until they have their orgasm, create a tense pressuring atmosphere and this does not help.
Just as premature ejaculation is not a disease, there are also no quick fixes.
My sincere advice to deal with this dysfunction is to use pathways to pleasure outside of intercourse. Help take the pressure off of his penis, and encourage him to provide you with lots of direct clitoral stimulation.
We must understand that sex is to be used and not abused and friends sex has no expiry date.
About the author
Prof. Dr Deepak K Jumani is a consultant sexual health physician and an AASECT certified sex therapist. He is the president of Indian Association of Sexology, Mumbai Chapter. You can email him at firstname.lastname@example.org and he has his own website: www.mybestdoctor.net