Don't let failure take your life, dear student

Come board examination results, a disturbing trend of suicides among ‘failed’ students comes into the limelight. Although such suicides appear to be a conscious effort on the part of these students to redeem themselves of probable social stigma over their failure, experts have pointed out an even more disturbing trend of pressure, lack of parental bonding with their children and the undue importance given to scoring high marks, which lead to student suicides.

Experts say proliferation of nuclear families and intense professional competition that keeps parents busier with their work weaken family bonding, diverting their attentions from possible impacts of their wards failing at their own competitions—examinations. 

Experts feel it is only a heart-to-heart talk that parents could give their children ahead of the exams or results, telling them to “do their best and forget the rest”that  could help bring a positive attitude among the children. This attitude can help the children look at “failure” as just a learning step towards their ultimate goal—a happy, successful life.

Dr GS Palaksha, city-based senior psychiatrist, says, “In recent years, expectations have soared among the parents over their children scoring high marks. Not only the parents, but their pressure instil that craving even among children, who then feel that scoring high marks is the only way to lead a good life in the future. There are no emotional pep-up talks within the family members. But there is a constant pressure.”

He says that when children do not meet the expectations of their parents, they fear reprimand and social stigma. They feel the only option is to take their own life. The parents must counsel children, impressing upon them that failing in exams does not mean the end of the world.

“Different individuals have different capacities, naturally inherited right from their birth.

Parents and the society should accept that individual capacity and try to find out what interests the children and encourage them to do what they are interested in,” Dr Palaksha says.

Dr BR Madhukar, senior psychiatrist, St Martha’s Hospital, says some decades ago there was a strong bonding among family members. Mainly due to the then-prevailing joint family structure, the children could find elders in family who could drive some sense into various approaches to different aspects of life, including faring in exams.

But now, in rapidly expanding cities, mainly like Bangalore, the lack of such bonding results in students often putting pressure on themselves to meet their parents’ expectations. Both parents and children alike then feel that achieving high marks is the single-most important thing in life. And failure? Because of such feelings spreading through the society, students see failure as a road to social stigma. That pushes them into a hopeless corner, from where they perceive suicide as the only way out.

Dr Madhukar says much of the pressure builds from the parents owing to the intense competition wherein the number of students by far outnumbers the number of seats available in colleges. And they fear that their children may be left out, and wonder what “society” may say about that.

REASSURANCE NEEDED
Noted counsellor, Dr Ali Khwaja of Banjara Academy: “Teachers and parents have to identify children with suicidal tendencies. It is a not a difficult task for teachers to identify students who are vulnerable to committing suicide. The important thing is to ensure reassurance and continue counseling students who have been failing in school exams.

Let parents not be complacent by merely telling their children not to worry about their failure in exams. They should identify the symptoms among the children—not talking to others, avoiding mingling with others and not eating food properly. The other important thing is continuing the counseling process to the ‘failed’ students as many students commit suicide several days after the exam results are announced.’’

What parents say
Children these days are sensitive. If their children are not good at academics, parents should tell them about other things they could be good at and nurture them to develop those capabilities. If children fail in exams, they should instil confidence and impress upon them that they can do better the next time.

—Vijaya Kumar, a senior advisor for a private firm

As a parent, I do feel that my child should do well in education and should have a degree that is important for starting a career. But many, without any educational background, too have done exceptionally well in their lives. Failing in exams in not the end of the world.

—Rajesh Kalra, a banker and father of two

Failing is not the end. Adults should teach children how to fight back. A mother
attempting suicide or a brother taking his own life because his sister failed in the SSLC exams will only push the poor student who has failed to himself/herself commit suicide.

They feel that the society would blame them for their dear ones taking their own lives for their own failure.

—CWC chairperson Meena Jain

Parents are hammering the children to study well and get high marks. They should never press their children. Some children do not study for various reasons like varying individual capacities or a lack of interest. But they may be good at many other things. Parents should identity those areas of interests and encourage children towards that.

—Joint commissioner of police (crime-west) Pronab Mohanty