Politics of hate will never define India - Part II

Dear Mr Swamy,
I’m so glad I got an opportunity to read your piece. I am converted. And even as I write this, I am in the process of having a massive saffron trishul painted on my forehead. I shall be the ‘viratest’ Hindu you ever saw.

I agree with you, sir, these terrorist attacks are solely against Hindus. What uber-smart bombs these terrorists have designed to determine religious affiliation before killing and maiming.

I shall go and tell Mr Saiffudin Kapadia this, He’s a Muslim and his brother is currently fighting for his life in a hospital ward after getting injured in the Zaveri Bazar blast. He’ll be happy to know that it was probably a technical malfunction, that ripped his brother’s skin off his body.

But your genius, you utter brilliance, lies in your plan to get rid of terrorism. In fact, I think I’m a little bit in love with your 5-point-list. In your ubermensch Hindu samaj, can a man marry a list of strategic points? Please let me know, sir.

Strategy 1: Create a Hindu Kashmiri state, go to war against Pakistan to take back PoK and foster terrorism of our own in Baluchistan and Sindh.
Awesome! So not only do we drive out existing Muslim Kashimiris at the point of a gun, we also declare war on Pakistan. No matter the fact that we’re both nuclear weapons-enabled countries. I guess if there is nuclear warfare, we shall all be protected by your shloka chanting , virat Hindu aura. Right?

Forced displacement, nuclear war with our neighbours, and covert operations on their soil — what a peaceful alternative to our current terror-afflicted existence. Hats off to you sir!

Strategy 2: Remove the masjid at the Kashi Vishwanath Temple and the 300 masjids at other temple sites.
Again, genius! What a simple fool-proof solution to get rid of all sorts of religious discontent. Why, once these masjids are ground to dust, the Muslims will be freed from the mind-altering ray that radiates out of every mosque’s spire forcing them to follow Islam.

In fact, I predict that they’ll be lining up in front of your virat Hindu conversion centres with gleaming smiles on their faces. This is exactly what happened after the Babri Masjid demolition, no?

Strategy 3: Implement the uniform civil code, make learning of Sanskrit and singing of Vande Mataram compulsory, stop non-Hindus from voting.
You know, bleeding-heart liberals have long supported a uniform civil code. So when I saw this strategy pointer, I was aghast. But then I realised that your implementation of the uniform civil code has nothing to do with the law — as laid out by the principles of our constitution — being imposed on all citizens fairly and through a proper judicial system.

Silly me! Instead we shall all chant in Sanskrit while taking away voting rights of all non-Hindus. That’s kind of against the law, the constitution or theuniform civil code, but what the heck, we are virat Hindus, we are the law.

Strategy 4: Stop all conversions from Hinduism. Force all non-Hindus to convert to Hinduism. Oh also invade Bangladesh.
Your brilliance blinds me. What will create more loving harmony than forcefully converting everyone to Hinduism, bringing back the ever-unifying caste system, and invading Bangladesh?

Sir, the Nobel Peace prize awaits you. Why, all terrorism will surely vanish once you force Muslims to abandon their faith, and then, just to show them what’s what, invade an Islamic country to annex land from them. I’m sure they’ll all spontaneously break into fervent renditions of Vande Mataram at once.

Strategy 5: Propagate the development of a Hindu mindset by voting for a party committed to a Hindu agenda.
Hmmmm. What party might that be? Pray enlighten us. Might it be the party that you are president of? Aah Mr Swamy, you wily old fox. Why don’t you just come out and say it? The easiest solution of them all: electing you PM.

Now before I run off to get placards printed for your election campaign, I just want to make one last point. In your piece, Mr Swamy, you cite the Jews of Israel as “fiery lions” that we should aspire to emulate. You should ask them Swamy, how they feel about the concept of a grand homogeneous society ruled on the express terms of the majority, and about the person who propagated it many, many years before you did. I’ll be awaiting that answer.