Column

Just a few days ago I read a slim, fun book, My Mom Is Driving Me Mad! I am sure lots of children and mothers will identify with some part of it or the other. I did with the daily routine mentioned — of early morning wake-up calls. My mornings for years have been filled with the usual “It’s 7.00 am, get up NOW” yell, the glass of Bournvita ready for gulping, the boiled egg on the table to be picked up and consumed on the run, the hurried goodbyes and see you in the evening greetings. The morning wake up time has changed with the passing years, the breakfast and level of involvement in the child’s getting ready routine has changed. But most mornings still have the same drama in my home. If they didn’t, perhaps I would somewhere in my subconscious miss it!
But let me rewind to one magical morning in Mumbai last month when city-zens came out on the road to run in the Mumbai Marathon. For me, it was a dream morning with a quiet bliss.

There was no yelling to get my son up and about. It was such a joy to see him and his friends move out so early on a Sunday morning to form their own link with a city we have all grown up in and love so dearly.

Last year, talk of running in the marathon had remained just that — talk. This year he registered along with his friend Aneesh for the run.

Come the morning, and even though Mumbai struggled with a little nip in the air, the marathoners were on their feet and on the road. Son too, I am happy to say, left on his own from home. Half an hour later, he called to say, “What an experience! There are so many people around here.”

The boys completed the dream run, sometimes running, sometimes walking and then their appetites whetted by the exercise and fresh morning air, they walked towards their favourite McDonalds near VT to wrap up the morning. This is one landmark day that, though simple in its essence, will stay in my mind for a long time to come.

Landmarks — they mean different things to different people. A few weeks ago, two or three of my friends had delivered — and the babies were premature. For these young parents, the landmarks have been the small spurts of growth that have spurred the babies towards normalcy, out of the protective warmth of the incubator into the nurturing environment of their own homes.

For us, older parents with much older kids, the landmarks have been fast and furious — some funny, others eye-opening but all are ones that are remembered with fondness, amusement and sometimes a degree of alarm that refuses to fade.

Here, as I talk of younger parents, let me also mention the accidental meeting I had with a mother whose son studied in the sixth standard of the same school that my kids went to — an institution that encourages free thinking, a spirit of debate and a lot of independence. She asked me with a little concern about the arguments that her son engaged in. “He seems to always want to do just what he wants to!”

Now, who knows if that is a good thing or not? Frankly, deciding that is the art or should one say difficult task of parenting — the degree of guidance and ‘control’ we should exert on our child’s life and the age to which we expect them to do exactly what they are told. Gen Next is far more focused and more exposed to a lot of influences than its parents were. There comes a stage, in some cases, sooner than later, when we have to let go — after emphasising in different ways what is right or wrong, trust them and our upbringing to walk the straight path.

Honestly, after they reach a responsible age, I would rather have a child who is independent, willing and capable of taking on the world, than one who has been cocooned against life’s slings and arrows and needs hand-holding at every step. We are not going to be around always. So, the sooner our kids learn to become thinking individuals, the better it is for them. But what happens if that so-called independence is misguided? Then perhaps, it is time for us parents to pen a book My Child Is Driving Me Mad! What do you say?

— The writer, Executive Editor, Verve, is, in her personal space, often driven to distraction by her two growing ‘young adults’, but she loves the madness of it all.