Faking news: Top bureaucrat announces retirement from scams

Imaan Singh Albela, a senior bureaucrat who turned 51 earlier this year, has announced his retirement from taking part in any scam even though he would continue to be a public servant for the rest of his tenure.

Talking exclusive to Faking News, for which he charged Rs50,000 as a bribe, Imaan announced, “This is my last bribe, and now I officially declare myself retired from all kind of dishonest and illegitimate activities. No more contribution to any scam from me.”

Recalling his scam-filled career, Imaan claimed that he made many friends who helped him earn a thousand times more than what he could have otherwise earned as an honest bureaucrat.

“Taking part in scams is an intellectually energising exercise,” the retired scamster informed. “Your planning needs to be foolproof, you must analyse an issue from all perspectives, you have to work on a strategy to make sure the plan is not sabotaged, and, finally, you have to ensure that the plan you have come up with is economically viable. It’s far more challenging to work out a successful scam than to design and implement a no-brainer non-scam uninteresting government project.”

Imaan thanked all his colleagues who always helped him in carrying out scams, sometimes not even related to the department that he was working with at that point in time. He claimed that scamsters never discriminated against people based on their caste, religion, language, etc and everyone was motivated just by a singular and common motive — that of looting the taxpayers’ money.

“Now that I’d be dealing with officers who have no interest in loot, guess I might be subjected to discrimination,” said Imaan, fearing for his future as he has almost a decade of service left.
Imaan refused to divulge his future plans and declined to comment when Faking News asked if he could be mentoring present and aspiring scamsters, as retired professionals usually do.

“All I can say right now is that I want to take rest and become honest,” he said.

According to government sources, Imaan has become the first bureaucrat who has taken voluntary retirement from taking part in public loot of the government coffers.

“We are shocked,” said officer Kuku Ghosh, a habitual and serial scamster posted in the Income Tax department. “Normally once we take part in a scam, we continue taking part in various scams till we have the job. Sometimes, even retired officials are roped in to take part in scams, like the Tatra truck deal shows. We hope this is an isolated case.”

Rahul Roushan thinks he can make some sense through nonsense. He attempts the same through his news satire website www.fakingnews.com inbox@dnaindia.net