Faking news: Nation debates Tendulkar’s new hairstyle and new president

Two significant developments kept Indians on their toes in the past week — a new hairstyle selected by Sachin Tendulkar and a new president to be selected by our elected representatives. While both of these issues might look disparate to us, experts believe both are similar and almost equally important to the citizens of India.

“Both are related with the main issue of ‘appearance at the top,’” explained Sourav Sharma, an expert on constitutional corporeal issues. “The president is the ‘head’ of the state while a hairstyle is all about the head.”

Experts like Sourav point out that Tendulkar’s new hairstyle had been in place for over a month now — in fact, he got his historical 100th international century wearing the new hairstyle — but it became a matter of public discussion only recently, perhaps triggered by the debate around Tendulkar’s nomination to the Rajya Sabha.

Similarly, the post of president had existed all these years — the incumbent even addresses the nation each year — but people woke up to take note of the post only recently, perhaps triggered by the news of the president’s foreign trips and accusation of land grabbing.

“Citizens have been treating both the issues in a similar manner,” claimed Sourav. “Maybe because both of them affect them in a similar manner — a common man’s life is impacted as much due to a new president as it is impacted due to a new hairstyle of Tendulkar.”

When asked to explain, Sourav first picked the case of Tendulkar. He claimed that his new hairstyle could impact the lives of many, especially of those desirous of looking like him.

“The will need to get a new haircut,” he said. “In fact, they will have to spend on hair straightening and coloring.”

“And not just the wannabe duplicates and lookalikes, but millions of fans would also need to change their posters, wallpapers, social networking display pictures, etc,” he added.

Sourav then went on to enumerate some ‘commercial impacts’ of Sachin’s new hairstyle; like the rise in demand for wax, as Sachin’s statues at Madame Tussauds might need to be modified, and rise in demand for shampoo, with Tendulkar fans copying his hairstyle  — developments, he claimed could impact even India’s GDP and balance of payments status.

He stopped only after Faking News interrupted and asked him to compare this with the election of a new president.

“A new president too has an impact on the common man’s life, like… ummm… hmmm… you know… as in…” Sourav tried to find the relation. “I mean… a new president also causes some changes in the way we live.”

When probed further, and after much thinking, he said, “Yes! One needs to update blogs, websites, text books, and other lists with a new name. And if the new president is a man this time, they’d need to change even the pronouns. There is some impact you see!”

Rahul Roushan thinks he can make some sense through nonsense. He attempts the same through his news satire website www.fakingnews.com