Faking news: India to hire robots in police force

After many experts and activists complained that policemen in the country, especially in the National Capital Region, lacked sensitivity and compassion while dealing with anguished citizens, the government has decided to induct robots in the police force.

“The main problem is training of the personnel,” Delhi Police commissioner Neeraj Kumar conceded, “Police in our country are trained to deal with problems with an iron hand and employ a brute approach towards dissent, which has been the tradition since British Raj.”

Mr Kumar disclosed that the Delhi police had tried all kinds of stuff from yoga during the Kiran Bedi days to Yo Yo Honey Singh during the modern times, but the policemen could neither develop empathy nor a modern outlook.

“It’s not easy to train adults and hope that they will shed their ingrained attitude,” the Delhi police commissioner rued. “That’s why we thought of hiring robots, who can be programmed and trained better than human beings.”

These “robocops” will be programmed in basic humane skills such as not to lathicharge people protesting against rape or to fire teargas shells at those who are already crying due to sufferings of others.

The technology driving these robocops will also enable these machines to interact in human voice, which will ensure that the cops don’t abuse back in filthy language if some protesters happen to do so.

“They will behave like civilised and highly composed human beings,” informed an official in the ministry of science & technology, which is funding the “Robocop Project”.

The official refused to comment when Faking News asked if the robocop project would be offered to the same company that had earlier been given the responsibility of manufacturing Akash tablets, which were later rumoured to have been manufactured in China.

“Our police force and government are already acting like China when dealing with protests, so why would we import Chinese robots? That doesn’t make any sense!” the official argued and rejected insinuations that the robocops would not be produced indigenously.

The official further rejected rumours that the idea of having robocops had been proposed by former science & technology minister Kapil Sibal who wanted such robots to arrest people commenting against the government on Twitter and Facebook.

“I can assure you that the decision was taken only recently when we realised that the human touch needed to be given to our police force,” the official claimed.

Asked how a robot could give the human touch, the official asked us to contact the prime minister’s office for answers.

“Theek hai?” the official enquired if our query was answered already.

Rahul Roushan thinks he can make some sense through nonsense. He attempts the same through his news satire website www.fakingnews.com