The power of dreams and of hard work

It is very odd but often as parents we find ourselves on the fringes of our children’s lives even though we have made them — since the time they were born — the centre of ours. Years ago, I remember reading how a mother felt when her daughter flew the nest to foreign shores for further studies. Cutting the metaphorical cord was more painful perhaps for this mother than it was for the girl.

Many such moments come along the way in our — and our children’s — lives. It could start with something as simple and as small as watching your child take its first baby steps into a nursery. Or go all prim and proper, uniformed for the first time, into school. Or come out years later in a LBD, ready to go for a date at college. The moments and memories are endless. Moments, one wishes as parents, that one could share, but moments that we as parents know we can only stand by and see.

I have also faced many such moments where I have felt that I am but a bystander, while the rollercoaster that is life takes my children ahead to the next milestone.  I am an observer, who like all other parents, can, when asked, only give advice or guidelines on what to do or where to turn next. But to turn a popular adage on its head, ultimately it is the children and they alone who have to decide what to do — and take the plunge. For, as is often said, in varied contexts, you can take a horse to the water but you cannot make it drink.

I wish and pray that I could bear or at least deflect all the slings and arrows that life may hurl at my kids. But each of us has our cross to bear and they must, like we did, carve their own destiny in the world. Whether they walk down the well-trodden path or choose the one less travelled, is something that will definitely make the difference. But ultimately that is a choice that only they can make. I had the freedom to chart my own life – and I hope I have given the children the liberty to do so as well.

Over the years as parents, we inculcate in our kids values of loyalty, honestly, trust, dedication and friendship. Will these stand them in good stead in the outside world? We hope they will. But as I watch my children grow towards new milestones, it is with a sense of concern that I say, while you walk ahead, do watch your back as well.

Since I was a teenager, and in my early twenties, the world was a different place. It was a simpler life, even though we did live in a ‘SoBo’ environment. Today, the pressures are greater, the ambitions higher and we are more impatient to fulfill them.

What can I say, as my kids look ahead to new paths to be chosen?  All I can reiterate is do not compromise on your dreams. Think big and it will happen. But only if you work hard towards your goal. For no matter which world you live in, which generation you belong to, there is no substitute for hard work. Due diligence pays. After all the tortoise did manage to overtake the hare in the famous race.

It is here that not just you as an individual, but perhaps I too as a parent, stand the test in the crucible of life. Have I as a parent succeeded in instilling the right values in you? Have I empowered you enough to face life head on? Have I loosened the apron strings enough so that you can make your way ahead, unhindered by maternal fears and worries, dreams and aspirations? That only time will tell.

Once again, I repeat what all parents would say – no matter what we might utter in the heat of an emotional moment. Make your choice, walk your talk, do yourself proud. Learn from life – your achievements and even your mistakes. And remember, all along, no matter what, there is a home waiting for you, where you can be you.

The writer, Executive Editor, Verve, is, in her personal space, often driven to distraction by her two growing ‘young adults’, but she loves the madness of it all.