Swiss bank ATM in parliament compound! No wonder they are happy

In a move that practically guarantees civility in parliament and an unprecedented cooperation between the government and the opposition in the last year of the UPA II, a high level committee chaired by the finance minister has given clearance for the setting up of a Swiss bank ATM inside the parliament compound exclusively for the legislators of the lower and the upper houses.

In a hush-hush ceremony, the prime minister inaugurated the single ATM and dedicated it to the nation.

Sources within the government have revealed that the move is the brainchild of Rahul Gandhi who came up with the idea during a recent top level meeting to discuss face-saving measures in the run up to the elections. Sources present in the meeting attended by the Congress high command said that one of the ministers got so excited upon hearing the idea that she rose from her chair and clapped which gave Rahul Gandhi the impression that she was making fun of him. However, when the minister clarified that her family has had Swiss accounts for 200 years Rahul Gandhi seemed a little surer of himself.

The idea, Gandhi junior is believed to have told the meeting, was to accomplish the twin goals of boosting FDI and putting idle black money to some good use. In a press release the office of the economic advisor to the PM lauded the move and predicted that hundreds of thousands of crore will be injected into the system in a short span of time.

Party workers are comparing the ATM move to the 1998 nuclear test by the NDA government claiming that both gave a new direction to the Indian dream and earned us the respect of the international community and the MNCs.

The highlight of the feature is the safety-guaranteed clause that makes the disclosure of the names of the Indian account holders a punishable offence and gives politicians immunity as long as they are MPs. The facility has not been extended to any other official or former MPs and is strictly for serving MPs. The single ATM will cater to customers of all Swiss banks and the daily withdrawal limit has been fixed at 300 crore.

All the opposition parties have welcomed the move though no one wants to show too much of a happy face. The BJP claimed that it was originally a BJP idea and it wanted to extend the facility to corporate houses and high-net-worth individuals. The left parties welcomed the move but added a note of caution. They suggested that the ATM would be most secure in the Chinese embassy.

The SP and the BSP welcomed the move but said that it would be of no use to them as their money is invested within the state. The BJP and the Congress reacted sharply to the statement calling the two parties anti-national. “If they have indeed served the country in the last so many years, then where is the money in Swiss accounts to prove it?” the joint press release said.

To access the inflow of funds on a daily basis, the finance minister has set up a task force in the department of revenue intelligence that will maintain a daily ledger of the money flowing into the country through the ATM.

The ATM will begin operating once the Swiss Bank officials conduct a three-week-long intensive training programme on the use of the ATM. Sources say that a large number of MPs have no knowledge about using an ATM while another large and vocal group refused to withdraw money from the ATM unless jute bags were provided for packaging. The training will focus on demystifying the ATM machine and remove the stigma of legal money attached to it.

The author is a writer.