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Men are from Mars, which is why they are so angry

Friday, 18 April 2014 - 6:05am IST | Place: Mumbai | Agency: dna

Can you sense a weird anger in the air? I can; and that makes me angrier. I am angry in my sleep, I am angry awake. I am angry even when I laugh. Do you feel the same? Everyday, hurling abuses at the world with my morning cup of coffee, I stamp my feet around my house rousing my imaginary army to take on my imaginary enemies. If only the anger was imaginary too. For the first few weeks, like a good Indian, I blamed it on the politicians. The heat from the electoral oven was spilling onto my head, I told myself. But then my wife started complaining about my temper, and I knew I had to come up with a better explanation.

I thought about what to tell my wife. I think anger erupts when there is a) undelivered communication, or b) thwarted intentions or c) unfulfilled expectations. Choosing any of the three options could possibly disrupt my less than two-month-old marriage. And since I am a certified neurotic, not knowing where my anger was erupting from pointed to the psychiatric chair. The conundrum was considerable. Sensing my weakness, my wife upped the ante. She watched me like a high school girl watches a frog waiting to be dissected wondering why is it appearing so angry. I knew, with prior experience, that perhaps it was time for some potent pharmaceuticals. I had even made my peace with the expected side effects. Then a miracle happened. Divine intervention came in the form of an email from an astrological website I had either never visited or had visited and forgotten about. Signed by one of their best minds, the email summed up my problem in one word: Mars. The website knew all my vital stats required to detect and diagnose Mars-related maladies. Perhaps at a weak moment I did visit an astrological website. Who knows what was going on in my life then? Maybe it was around the time I had convinced myself that a marriage portal was the answer to my problems.

The electronic astrologer had nailed it. "In your birth chart as I can see, Mars has switched positions on March 25 increasing controversies and pressures. There could be anger related loss of relationships, loss to home or sudden accidents or injuries," the mail said. The problem wasn't limited to the switching. It turned out that Mars was in retrograde motion which means that it appeared to be moving backwards instead of forward. In astrology retrograde motion of planets always bring problems, the email explained adding that the situation had worsened due to Mars' transit through the constellation of Virgo. The email warned me against fighting with my spouse, friends or parents. I was also not to enter into any agreements, negotiations, or business deals till Mars was done back-pedalling through Virgo. I knew the reasoning would not work with my wife but I tried it nevertheless. I was in luck. It turned out that a close friend of my wife had heard of angry April. In fact her predictions had been far more serious. April, she told my wife, will bring heartbreaks and anger and pain all across. The sentiment resonated with my wife and she did not insist on any tranquiliser to help me 'rest better'. If astrology was fiction, it was turning out to be fiction that helps people live.

Over the next few days, though my anger persisted my wife quit resisting. Everyday now at some point in the evening, either one of us goes out to look at the sky like an expert astrologer. Though neither of us says it aloud we secretly wish for a sign from Mars, telling us it's time to move forward again.

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