An open letter to Rahul Gandhi: Breaking bad scene ya

Yo Rahul!

Just wanted to drop you a line and get a few things straight. I mean dude — you got so much flak for your speech at the Delhi Gymkhana — and I’m sure you’ve seen every one go ballistic on the box, questioning your motives and methods — so I just wanted to start by giving you a high five for getting that crappy ordinance binned, otherwise we’d now have Lalu and gang indemnified for all their criminal activity.

Who put you up to it man? Sachin? Manish? Did they tell you you’d ace it if you’d crash the conf — said your thing and bounced? Wicked!

But that you’d not uttered a word against it in Parliament or to your Cong colleagues behind closed doors is what’s driving people nuts man, so I mean I’m easy if you don’t want to talk about it — it’s just: what were you thinking?

That you’d go in, pretend that you never knew that your party had backed the ordinance in the first place, make a bit of noise and come out the hero?

Seriously?

But things went a bit pear shaped, no? First of all, your people went mental saying that you were trying to score brownie points by riding on public opinion. And then, everyone’s got wound up saying you were attacking the PM when he was hanging with his big cool friends in the White House etc. I mean, you think people bought your act?

 Every one’s saying it was all for TRPs. One twit even said that he thought the PM was in on the plot and had been briefed to be the fall guy before you’d made the statements.

That really cracked me up. Why would some one with a smidgen of intelligence agree to a plan like this? And if it’s true — it kinda makes things even weirder, no? I mean how far is it necessary to go to make friends and influence the electorate anyhow?

(BTW I’ve heard that your mum is pretty miffed by your language and it looks like you’ve even pissed off most of your allies.)  

Look, I’m not trying to put you down or anything; and yes I know Digvijay and Rajiv Shukla have already defended you on camera, saying you were brill and that the media should get off your case — but in retrospect you think you screwed up a teeny-weeny bit?

I mean you must have heard that the country’s broke and India’s not really happening any more (even that disco in Spain you were telling the CII guys about? It’s taken the Bachchan poster off its wall! And honestly, no one’s dancing to Bollywood numbers any more!)

So given it’s a bad scene, do you think your chances in 2014 are going to be a bit iffy? That it’s gonna be a slog to stop the Modi tide? That (again, as you’d mentioned at that famous CII speech) you’ve kind of ‘lost it’?

Isn’t all this such a pain in any case? Better to grab a beer and watch the last season of Breaking Bad, no?

Ok, enough gyaan for one evening gotta zzzz! But keep your hair on, hang in there, don’t lose your cool and remember next time you’re at the Delhi gymkhana try their mutton sheekh kebabs — they’re sick!

LOL!

The writer believes in the art of letter writing.