You're unique, and so is your marriage

Just like water creates its own level, so does relationships. The problem is people try to apply a generalised approach to their marriage, compare their marriage with others, and end up feeling miserable. By a generic application, I mean following the 'relationship gems' blindly. For example, just because it is believed one should never go to bed angry doesn't mean you want to make up at any cost. At times, sleeping over a problem and sorting the differences within before sorting it with your partner the next day works better. When you try to quick fix a problem, it doesn't get resolved at the root level and lingers. Again, it is believed when one partner is angry the other partner should remain quiet.

This doesn't mean the other person should suffer silently always. It is important to speak your mind. At times, some partners get so used to the silence that the moment the other person speaks up, they burst. There're situations that need the other person to speak, share their thoughts. So, see for yourself what suits you and your partner. The 'gems' are simply the guidelines. How you implement them can be person and situation specific.

Another problem that many couples often encounter is the result of their own doing. They compare their marriage with other marriages. Now, as I said earlier, every marriage is a unique union of two unique individuals. The equation shared by one can never be equated with another. The personal space a couple shares and lives in can never be reflected to the outside world. What you see in your social circle or the social media is all masked. The reality is very different. Don't go by what your friends or relatives tell you and what you see. Don't compare. Period.

Create your exclusive space. Human beings are complex and bring all their complexities to the marriage. It's never easy to function with your own and your partner's intricacies flanking you. It's about getting used to your partner with seldom fights when required. Instead of picking on your partner, if you develop the insight to see the good, and not the bad, it's not just good for your marriage or your partner but your own mental wellbeing – a priority that should top your table.

After all, no marriage is a fable hence needs to be stable.

Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively
sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com