Select to elect the best relationship

The happiness of any home rests on discriminatory acts of blindness and deafness, with a dash of forgiveness. Not just in homes, but such selective acts help in sustaining every relationship. Principally honesty and transparency are commendable qualities but when applied to reality, the toll it takes on families and relationships can be unbearably brutal. Any relationship needs some insulation from harsh truths and less palatable reality. Solicits the need to honey coat sometimes. Disclaimer: Don't mean to encourage unethical behaviour.

Love has a distinct tendency to own and possess. A sure shot recipe to stifle and choke a relationship. Instead of wanting to own and possess, the correct approach is to turn to things that attract and to turn away from things that repel. In a nutshell it's all about selective energies. What you pay attention to, magnifies and what you ignore, dies its own death. Paying heed to wrong emotions, thoughts and behaviour – within yourself or in others is like festering a wound. There is a time to step forward and share, and a time to step back and guard.

The biggest myth that an ideal marriage and relationships constitute happiness and contentment, is the culprit here. Relationships are just the means to these goals. If managed well, these goals are attainable. When couples are aware of the reality of their marriage, they are happier. With acceptance of the ground reality, comes the need for consistent hard work and adjustment to keep a relationship ticking merrily. To understand that a marriage cannot be on auto mode, is very essential. Research says kindness is a crucial forecaster of long-term happiness in relationships. Focussing on your partner's kindness can never get you wrong. Focusing on negatives can colour your vision by seeing negativity even where there isn't any – returning to our 'selective' paradigm.

It's all about selecting the right responses – by accepting something and living with it. We 'select' to lead a happy and satisfied life by abandoning that which is unpalatable and beyond our means, even if it seems impossible to do without. Emphasis on that which can be fixed and made the most of, while trying to arrest the growth of that which is toxic and detrimental. A successful relationship needs a rhythm that keeps the people in it together, happy and content. Select your rhythm to elect your best relationship.

Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively
sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com