Make your own terms and conditions

The latest research suggests the young adults of today are in the process of redefining a lot of things – relationships included. No pressure from the society or people around them can force them to give up on their freedom. The current generation seems to echo the need to live on their own terms. They seem to defy all the rules but their own. Marriage certainly doesn’t seem to be on their cards – may be till they have ticked all the right boxes of achievements.

Youngsters these days nurture values and opinions very different from their parents’. They also seem unperturbed when not in sync with their friends’ preferences. They are just out there to break the clutches of the conventional. The attitude that no one knows them better than themselves seems to rule the roost. Having grown up in a world very different from the one their parents grew up in is probably a major factor of mismatch, particularly in relationships and matrimony. Their idea of what a marriage brings to the table is very different from what their parents think. It’s difficult to tell what appeals them. For girls, guys well settled, tall, dark and handsome, professionals or entrepreneurs don’t seem to float their boat. Beautiful, fair, homely girls no longer attract the young guys of today. Default traditional gender roles don’t exist in their lives. 

One of the reasons why parental or societal influence doesn’t work for them is the strong presence of the social media. It has become a great source of validation. The YOLO generation is not unnerved about talking to total strangers through social media. In fact, quite a few would rather find a meaningful relationship through a dating app than through family or friends – a normal narrative focusing on the ‘my vs all others’ validation. “What will people say” seems meaningless. They refuse to conform to the norms and judgement of the society.

The research further indicates that marriage doesn’t essentially seem to be mandatory for people in love, proving their priorities and happiness triggers are diverse. For them a relationship is a journey and not a destination. When they plight their troth, nothing would deter them from choosing a partner they think is right for them.

Youngsters have been forced to compromise but it seems they have come with a promise to compromise no more – a threat or a promise?

Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively  
sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com