Looks don't matter

What's that one characteristic you can attribute to love at first sight? Beauty, undoubtedly. People normally are smitten immediately when they fall for someone's beauty. I wonder how one can get carried away by an aspect, physical in nature, which doesn't say anything else about the person. Deceptive indeed! It is so easy to predict the fate of such relationships.

Beauty as a magnetic force attracts only couples who have a tendency to fall in love at a pace much faster than the usual or couples who are in their very initial stage of dating. As much as this phenomenon is very natural and normal, especially amongst youngsters, it can prove detrimental when followed blindly.

There is a second category of people who fall in love but not instantly. They may know someone for long, in the form of an acquaintance or a friend. And slowly their friendship turns into love. Now, how important is beauty to these couples who gradually fall in love? Before responding to my own question, I would like to point out a major difference between 'love at first sight' and 'steadily falling in love' couples. Couples who belong to the first category would normally fall for a person with generally the same level of looks.

A beautiful girl would seek a handsome guy and vice versa. Whereas in the other category, apart from looks there are many other qualities in a person, one is attracted to. How many times do we come across couples who may not be a match in terms of their external appearances, often labelled as 'an odd couple'? Strange as it may sound and look, there is a strong reason behind this inequality. When you know someone for long, you don't always fall in love with their looks. You get attracted by intrinsic worth of that person. It is very easy to get attracted to someone's kind heartedness, warmth, humility, altruism, friendliness, smartness, maturity, sincerity, et al. And when such qualities account for the relationship progressing to the next stage of love, it's an absolute mystic.

Physical inequalities dissipate. When love is based on such wonderful individualities, it is certainly more permanent in nature. After all external beauty is short-lived and gets faded with time and age. But internal beauty is eternal. It stays with you forever. Slow and steady certainly wins the race of love and life…

Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively 
sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com