Is your partner a poor listener: Lend thy ears!

Very often women say their husbands don’t pay attention to what they say. This unavailability creates an emotional disconnect, leaving the fairer sex resentful and lonely. Communication is an inherent part of any relationship. It makes the woman feel safe, to love, and be loved. However, a cut in the connect makes her feel that the man doesn’t care about her. This void leads to a darkness in her mind, wherein, she, too, decides to tone down her communication.

Men, on the other hand, have their reasons not listen to their wives the way their wives expect. During a therapy, I found that women always share their pain and problem through a proper history and describe their emotional journey in detail. Men, on the contrary, share their journey through facts minus emotions.

So, does it mean they are devoid of emotions or their communication process is inherently different from women? The fact is men get used to not trusting her emotions because with experience he realizes they can change.

A man tends to feel his wife doesn’t always say what she means. A man feels she changes her mind frequently. She can say she likes things when he knows she doesn’t. When given what she wants, she is not necessarily happy. Also, she can become emotional over trivial issues. She can get upset for no reason. She can express her hatred to him one day and then love him the next. And, above all, she can be going through an emotional roller coaster which can make men shut down. No offence to women programmed differently.

My message: Since men and women communicate very differently in an intimate relationship, getting through an issue amicably or calmly can become challenging – they can continue going around in circles. Women may think they are crystal clear in conveying their thoughts, but men read their feelings differently. Men think women never follow a solution-centric model for they’re generally looking for solutions to fix their problems. Once they get a solution, they move on. So, next time you feel your partner is not listening, remember this difference to understand him/her better. Hear and be heard – word to word.

Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively
sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com