Intimacy redefined

A recent debate on the importance of physical intimacy in a marriage by some experts from the fraternity had an interesting outflow of perspectives. A couple of decades ago, this topic would have been frowned upon. A given in any marriage, why the debate??? Technology infused times have imbued a lot of unthinkable dimensions to the human behaviour. The result – a paradigm shift in the overall human lifestyle, including sex.

One tends to really wonder at the need of having a partner to satiate one’s physical and emotional needs, thanks to the inexhaustible internet medium. Disclaimer – partner required only till the initial attraction and stimulation wear off.  Internet support services always available to fall back upon. There are innumerable reports which throw light on the diminishing sexual interactions between couples. While technology is one main aspect we can attribute it to, what are the other reasons for this decline? An open and permissive society plays a major role. Although limited to urban areas, especially metropolitan cities, premarital sex is a definite reason. Although I am in favour of it (no compatibility issues creating problems in a marriage later), but only up to a limit. The initial aura, newness and attraction can only lead to demystification if indulged in for too long and too before.

Again, statistics say, the problem is not as prevalent in rural areas or smaller towns. Simple life certainly is the recipe for success. These are the people who are not privileged enough to enjoy glitch-free internet or other technology offerings. They continue to feed their basic instincts in many normal ways than one.

Multiple partners have changed the complexities of intimacy too. Novelty and variety threaten the physical association if carried on beyond a certain period of time.  A single partner in a marriage ought to create monotony and boredom. One is not used to just one person catering to our unfulfilled needs. Physical intimacy is the foundation of any strong marriage.  Especially in a country like ours, it’s one of the main reasons for people to get married - marriage being a social obligation necessary to surpass the threshold of intimacy. The closeness it produces is incomparable. Once you realise your spouse is where your intimacy rests, you won’t need to scramble through your technology devices to forge a virtual relationship. Experience it and you will be touched – well, literally and figuratively.

Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively
sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com