Compliment your partner

Apolite expression of praise and admiration one commonly terms as ‘compliment’ seems to go out of stock once married. Before marriage there’s no dearth, in fact the stock is inexhaustible. Then why the dearth once hitched?

Among many things one takes for granted in a marriage, extraction of compliments is one of them – compliments not only cease to pour, they cease to sprinkle altogether. Marriage, especially in our country seems to give the license to take each other for granted. When couples change or stop focussing on the finer nuances like showering compliments, expressing love and gratitude, they once used to, one may feel one’s partner has changed – although they inherently remain the same.

Just because one is married doesn’t mean one becomes complacent with things. A couple may stop complimenting each other, but the moment a third person showers some compliments, they feel euphoric. How ironic! Its very human to feel happy when complimented.  All relationships germinate through compliments - extra-marital included. Hence when couples having experienced it with each other, stop the practice once married, feel at the top of the world when complimented by an outsider. 

Flattery and compliments are different. One might have to use both to get married but once married, meaningful compliments can make a bond rock solid. Complimenting a partner for being a great parent can be very effective.

Given how challenging parenthood is these days, a good parent deserves it.  One should never refrain from complimenting one’s partner for looking good. If he/he has made a special effort for it – hitting the gym, indulging in some self-care beauty therapy or simply having a new haircut or colour, all the more. Throwing a compliment for someone who is beautifully balancing everything never hurts. Managing work, home, children, friends, family et. al. is never easy. Last but not the least, gratitude is the biggest form of compliment too. It may not seem like one until one is at the receiving end, but being paid in kind in that space, can feel blissful.

Couples underestimate the importance of compliments, but it can be an elixir for any relationship to soar. 

SAGARIKA SHAH
Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively
sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com