Align with your valentine

With the Valentine's Day around the corner, l received a flurry of emails mainly centred around what attracts a guy to a girl and vice versa.

I wish it was as easy to respond as: "Who's your favourite cricketer or what's your favourite film?" 'One size fits all' doesn't apply here.

A quality which attracts one person to another, may not work on someone else. Had that been the case, out of thousands of people we interact with, why would only one person touch the chord of our heart?

First and foremost, attraction is something totally relative. And since men and women are wired differently, what attracts a woman to a man can be very different from what attracts a man to a woman. Ladies first – it is rather difficult to pinpoint a singular aspect about men that appeals universally to all girls/women, but being a woman, the most honest answer I can come up with is simple. Normally a woman is attracted to a man who is attracted to her. Other attributes like grooming, sophistication, hygiene, looks, chiselled body and sense of humour follow suit. Loyalty again can be a game changer. Delving deeper into their psyche reveals that they are so much in love with themselves that any external force adding to their self-love and esteem certainly works. Small gestures go a long way in making her feel wanted. So, guys, if you play your cards well, she can be smitten and how!

The prescription is different as far as men are concerned. Ladies, please get over the clichéd list of long hair and neck, beautiful eyes and face. A woman's sex appeal scores the highest in terms of all her other attributes. And the sex appeal doesn't always ooze from her physical beauty.

Her intellectual, emotional and social bearings speak volumes. It's reflected through her persona – proving 'beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder' to the core. While opposites attract, men with opposing personalities often have opposing deficiencies and strengths. Trying to meet those through their women is what strongly holds them on to them. As much as sweetness and good nature are a big turn on, clinginess and possessive can be a big turn off. So, girls, even your scales to balance it out.

I hope these relationship nuggets help you wine & dine and shine like turpentine this Valentine's.

Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively 
sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com