‘Parents should be a role model for their children’

Even as Pune has earned the reputation of being an education hub, the large student population is also dealing with burgeoning physical and mental health problems. Staying away from home, breakdown of communication with parents, Internet exposure, addiction and exam stress are some of the few issues faced by students. Pune’s Nine to Nineteen clinic, started at Deenanath Mangeshkar Hospital a year ago, is helping students cope with growing pressures.

Dr Vaishali Deshmukh, co-ordinator of the clinic, spoke to Alifiya Khan about the prevention and curative aspects of teen counselling.

It has been a year since you started. How has the response been so far, given that such a clinic was started in Delhi but later shut down?
I must admit that the response isn’t ideal; we don’t get as many teenagers as we would like to reach out to. In a week, we counsel just two to three teenagers but the response is getting better.

Unlike Western countries, where teenagers visit such clinics on their own, here we have to depend on parents to bring their children. So another problem area is to convince parents or make them understand the need to counsel their children.

Which is a bigger challenge; treating teenagers’ issues or convincing parents?
That’s tricky and depends on an individual situation. By and large, teenagers just want someone to talk to, who isn’t judgmental and treats them like adults. A lot of times, it is difficult to convince parents as they have grown up with fixed set of ideas and making them unlearn is tough.

Besides, most parents think that they grew up as normal

individuals and never needed any counselling, so why their kids need any help? Parents are tough nuts to crack while children are more accessible.

What are the issues faced by teenagers?
In most of the cases, we deal with strained child-parent relationship. Teenagers are brought to the clinic by parents due to communication gap between them. We also have to handle other issues like not attending classes, bad company, substance abuse or kids stealing money.

But more often this kind of behaviour is triggered due to strained relationships between teens and their folks, especially if confronted aggressively by the adults.

Are there any early signs to be picked up?
Sudden changes in behaviour like if a talkative child becomes withdrawn, changes in sleep or eating pattern, spending a lot of time out of home, change in friend circle or being rude are some of the signs parents can take note of.

When you notice these changes, don’t confront your child in a threatening manner. In fact, talk to them as equals and speak to their friends or teachers to find out the cause of stress. Allow your child to express their views frankly.

What should parents do to tackle these issues?
Parents should talk to their children on a daily basis, even about trivial things and not just keep confronting them. If parents are asked embarrassing questions about sex and pornography, they shouldn’t avoid talking about it and instead use it as an educational tool to make their kids aware. Most importantly, be a role model to your child. Do as you preach because they are learning from you.