Parents are driving us to despair, say students in survey

What is driving the young ones to the end of their tether? Is it the burden of parental expectation? Is it the oppressive education system? Or, is it the winner-loser syndrome pervading the success-centric new-age society? As cases of students committing suicide pop up with alarming frequency, there are no clear answers yet.

But it is possible that all three have combined to throw immature minds into a pressure cooker situation. A recent survey seeking to unravel what is going on inside young minds digs out some other factors too. But a whopping majority of the respondents — 71% — put the blame squarely on pressure and competition, while 62% held parental expectation and pressure as responsible.

Interestingly, only 27% found the usual suspect — the education system — at fault.  The survey, conducted by students and members of the Rotaract club of the HR College to mark National Youth Day on January 12, had 655 in the age group 15-25 as respondents.

“Many said it is the competitive nature of parents and their pressure on kids to get the best marks that is creating unnecessary stress and driving students to kill themselves,” said Garima Jain, a student of HR College.

The pressure to find a job is also to blame, she said. Students are simply rote-learning to get maximum marks so that they can get a job. “The inability to do so, coupled with parental pressure to out-perform others is ultimately killing their spirit,” she said.

Most of the respondents held the government responsible for not creating enough jobs, she added. “It is the parents who are in a senseless competition,’’ said Swati Popat, educationist and principal of Podar Jumbo Kids.

She blames the lack of regular interaction among parents and children for the present situation. “I totally agree that parents are forcing their unfulfilled dreams on children. They are using the child as a trophy,” she added.

With both parents without time to talk to kids, suicides are often an attention-seeking device for the kids. Unfortunately, most do not realise the ultimate consequence of their action, she said. “While there’s too much exposure to acts of violence and crime, parents do not talk to the child about it… Conversations should not just be study-centric,” she added.

Many educationists suggest compulsory training on guidance and counselling for teachers so that they are better equipped to deal with the mental uncertainties among students.

Respondents also highlighted peer pressure as the culprit. Also, most (97%) did not hold the movie, 3 Idiots, responsible for suicides or ragging instances.

“Several blamed the media and its tendency to highlight toppers. They also blamed coaching classes with their hoardings on toppers. They said it creates huge pressure on students to score more so that even they can get their two seconds of glory,” said Jain.

While student counseling is common, 53% said parents and teachers need it more. Counsellors and psychiatrists said parents need to be counselled on how to bring up a child and changes they must bring about in their parenting style at various stages of the child’s growth.

“Parents may feel they are doing a lot for the child, spending on education and other needs. They probably think all they are asking for is that the kid studies. So I won’t blame the parents, but they need to change the way of disciplining according to the child’s age,” said Dr Yusuf Matcheswalla, psychiatrist, Masina Hospital.

Dr Bharat Shah, psychiatrist, Lilavati Hospital, said parents often reflect what the society and the system imposes and they fall into the trap.

“So though a child would be happy studying media, parents may want him/her to do engineering or become a doctor as society attaches more importance to that. Parents also feel we are giving the best and so expect a lot in return. Hence, the pressure gets created in the child,” said Shah.