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| Edited By: |Source: DNA |Updated: Oct 25, 2016, 08:10 AM IST
'If you're promoting changes to women's behaviour to "prevent" rape, you're really saying "make sure he rapes the other girl", @itsmotherswork
While I don't agree with the sentiment of 'make sure he rapes the other person', I do vehemently agree that putting the onus of personal safety on women themselves comes from a misplaced sense of righteousness. Giving diktats to women goes into the territory of 'appropriate and inappropriate' behaviour and who is to judge what's appropriate?
The argument cannot be "we don't live in a utopian world, hence women must take accountability for their own safety". If that were a guaranteed pre-emptive measure, then perhaps we can weigh in on its merit. But we have seen enough cases of grotesque abuse and at no point could the reasoning be 'she should've known better/ dressed better/ not been out on the streets at that hour'. "She could've avoided getting sexually abused had she made better decisions", is a dangerous message to put out there.
Subject perpetrators to scrutiny and judgement, not victims. Telling a woman that her safety is her responsibility is contributing to the bigger picture of victim-blaming. Let's not masquerade it as "I say so, because I care and want you to be safe".
Like most Indian women, I've also been eve-teased. Pitiably, the onus of these stray incidents was put on me. I was told to carry a folder in front of my chest, not to wear short skirts, go out at night, laugh loudly, or wear makeup. My vagina was declared the fountainhead of shame.
This throws into light a simple question: can we women ever be safe? Can we walk where we want? Wear what we want? Assume our safety as a fundamental right?
No, we can't. The truth is that perpetrators––men––are granted impunity, because 'boys will be boys', making the victims––women––repositories of shame. We cannot immediately change our men, our boys. We cannot expect the police, judiciary or government to grant us justice. Women in India do not have public agency. It's a cultural impairment we have to contend with. Therefore, our survival rests with us and within us. The only person who can protect us is us.
There always seems to be an argument for or against what women should or should not do. First it's their looks aka clothing, skimpy or not, she asked for it or something banal like that. Next would be judgments on where she was 'loitering' or she is aggressive and so incidents serve her right. It's amazing how at the centre of all of this, its become about women's rights vs all other rights. Could we be asking the question - why women are being denied human rights? Right to walk alone, wear what they want, freedom of speech and therefore, freedom of choice?
Arguments on the debate over women's safety have constantly focussed on women. Perhaps move the needle to men? Let's spend time and money training them how to behave? A deterrent drive to force women to cover up, stay quiet is counter productive.
